The Guest House

All of us meet with difficulties in our own lives. This is what a person's life entails. But some of the most challenging struggles take place in our own minds. A friend of mine recently shared a poem with me and I wanted to put it up here to share with all of you. Sometimes unique moments, unique thoughts open us to think and live differently; perhaps more gracefully. If not, then at least to be more honest and certainly more grateful for whatever comes to us.

-

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

- Rumi

Picasa Web Album

To view all of these pictures and others click:

http://picasaweb.google.com/alpen.sheth.

A short poem for the snow flake

The snow falls.

It rest with little resistence to the earth even as the powerful wind drives it from its path.

It glows in the light.

Connects earth with the sky.

It is unique but indistinguishable.

And it has little time.

Or perhaps, not enough time.

If only it had more time and less pressure from the rest of the weather.

And possibly less self-doubt, less concern for its brittle stature.

Soft and thorough, it eventually lays down all its strength and remakes the contours of the earth until the earth is no more.

No longer distant and distinguishable.

Just one wide ocean of white stillness.

The snow is falling

The snow is falling in Boston. In case anyone is jealous or curious, we have pictures of all the snow-related action as documented from the doorstep of the house.


Palak looking pretty after a hectic week of examinations. Watching along as her hubby clears the path of scary snow flakes.




A rare sighting of Super-Rahul in action taking on the snow one flake at a time with his lethal snow-fighting weapons.

follow-update

Happy Holidays,

I am just sending out a short update on the treatment schedule. I just returned to Miami from meeting with the Radiation Oncology doctor in Boston. He advised that I return for a couple of weeks of treatment in order to ensure that there are no more reoccurances in the future. If anything, these things teach us a lot about patience--and we're never too old for that.

I will start radiation on Dec. 15th and will have 15 minutes sessions every weekday till approximately January 13th. I am free on the weekends and Christmas!

To close, I have to say that these past few months of treatment and tribulation have been humbling and instructive. I've learned a whole lot about love and sacrifice, true concern and insecurity, and to some extent, about how to remain sane amidst life's insanity and instability.

Sending my love to all of you--my care-takers and well-wishers,

alpen

...you have to groove with the moves you have

Transplant was a Huge Success But....The Fat Lady Hasn't Sung Yet!

Alpen-ites:

I have not blogged in a while. Here is the update...Alpen returned home safely from Boston last week. His counts rebounded very fast (very Superman like) so the doctors were pleased to let him come home to Miami a week or so after discharge.

As you can imagine, we were elated to hear this news! Alpen was so ready to come home and Suresh Uncle was so ready to have him back. What a reunion! Father and son together after 2 months!!

Since returning home Alpen has been recovering--his appetite is good, his energy is decent, and he sleeps so well in his own bed!! While he is not yet back at this normal energy level, he is gathering strength day-by-day and enjoying the Miami weather.

While we are all celebrating Alpen's successful transplant, this adventure is not over yet. The next stop: radiation. Yes, Alpen is slated to undergo radition therapy. To get it all sorted out, Alpen actually returned to Boston on Tuesday for a planning appointment with his radiologist. He returned home to Miami today.

So Alpen will return to Boston (ugh, i know) for the recommended 3.5 weeks of Radiation at the Dana Farber Center. Alpen will be there from approx Dec 15 through the second week of January. While Alpen says radiation is not as harsh as chemo or the transplant, it will still have its array of side-effects.

So, Alpen-ites we are not signing off yet. Keep reading and sending your support and love to Alpen because he has will be in treatment through mid-January. We are in the last stretch of this marathon...keep...running......

Oh--and start thinking about whether you will be in the Boston area for the winter holidays--Alpen will be out there and would prob love to see you!!!

Much love
Purvi

rohan@miamibeach

...I made this a week ago when I was sitting at home in Boston. It was cold outside and I was thinking of a few of my favorite things. This is a video of my nephew's first trip to Miami.

Message from Joseph P. in Miami, FL

Dear Alpen,

I have been going over to your house to hang out with Sushma and Purvi and your dad while you are away. But sorely missing from the house is you smile and restless drumming hands. When you get back we will go out and try to conquer the rocky and rough roads at Oleta river Park again. I know the family up there is taking good care of you. I hope that your are feeling and doing better. You should post some photos of any drawings you have been doing up there.

Much love,
Joseph

Love from the Miami Workers Center....

Dear Alpen,

We are trying to patiently wait for you to get back here to Miami so we can laugh with you and learn from you. It is cold in Miami right now. You know how it gets a little chilly and people bust out their bubble jackets and scarves and hats. Well it is those days down here. The sun starts coming in real low around 4 PM, hurts your eyes, and you wish for the 95 degree days with 99 percent humidity. We figured these pictures could help you hurry up and get back. Take care of yourself and come home soon.

Much love
Miami Workers Center

Love from the Jackson 4 in the Bronx.....

Hey Alpen (and family team),

Been following the Blog and am so excited to see that you've been discharged. The Jackson 4 is sending many positive thoughts your way, we are with you! Si se puede! Here’s one of our favorite pics from summer 08 that captures the spirit of the energy we’re sending out.

Much love,

Randy, Brooke, Frida and Ty

Breakin O-U-T!

Alpen-ites:

Happy to report Alpen is still recovering well. We were discharged from the hospital on Saturday around 2:30pm--or as Alpen likes to put it---he finally broke out!

We are now staying at an apartment in Boston (thanks Jigna!) and Alpen is slowly gathering strength back. The first 30 days after discharge are crucial--where there is a lot of emphasis on rest, staying germ free, and trying to stay positive and healthy.

I will post more on life after the hospital later, but meanwhile here are some pics from last few days in hospital & of Alpen breaking out of the hospital......Enjoy!

Fab-u-lous

Getting love from his big sis, Palak...


Signing the discharge papers

4C - 56 where it all went down!

Walking down the hallway after 3 weeks...

Checking out the family room finally...



Fresh air finally...


Hugs!




Checking out Niru Aunty's smile...
Alpen's Entourage

Jubilant Pics from Dana K. in New Orleans

Yaaaay alpen. That is awesome news. Hope you are hanging in there.

xoxo,
Dana

Off The Charts! Yeeeeah!!

Great News Alpen-ites!!!

Alpen has turned the corner!!! His white blood cell count is OFF THE CHARTS!!! WOO HOO!

The doctors are extremely pleased with his progress. He is recovering at a solid pace and will be discharged from the hospital on Saturday (a few days earlier than expected). While he is still not at full energy, Alpen is doing so much better than the last few days.

Today he got out out of bed, walked around the floor, and broke his week-long food fast with what else than Mexican food--a cheesy bean enchilada by Amy's Organic Kitchen to be exact. He also had his favorite greek yogurt, apple juice, and even some mac n' cheese. He has finally been able to sleep again (well at least more than 2 hours in a row) and is rested enough to stay awake for most of the day....and good thing because Keyur was in town today and brought much needed laughter and energy to the hospital room!

Today was a grrrrreat day. And you should really see the smile on Niru Aunty's face...nothing brighter in this world. In fact, all of us have been giddy all day--you can't tell who is on morphine right now us or Alpen. We (Rahul, Palak, Niru Aunty, Keyur and I) even celebrated tonight with a midnight carrot cake feast.

V is for VICTORY.....

Some celebrate more quietly than others....

Ummm...yeah....endzone dance anyone????

So, faithful friends and family of Alpen, you too should celebrate!!! And when you do, remember to take a picture of your celebrations and send them to me so I can post them!!! Cartwheels, toothy smiles, champagne toasts, end zone dances...send them ALL to purvi.nayan.shah@gmail.com

While we are not completely out of the clear yet, and there a few adventures still ahead, things should just keep getting better.

Love,
The Dream Team

Go White Blood Cells GO!!!!

Hello Everyone:

Sorry for not posting in a while. Things have been hectic. Between having the flu, work, and packing for Boston, I was swamped! But I am in Boston with Alpen now...so I will be trying to post as regularly as possible. Sushma returned back to Miami on Sunday, so we traded places.

Now, back to the real reason why you are reading this post: How is Alpen doing? Alpen is generally doing good. He is responding to treatment in the expected ways, which means he is pretty low energy right now as we wait for his counts to rebound. A few days ago, he had a fever (which was par for the course) so naturally he was pretty low energy and exhausted that day. They put him on antibiotics and he kicked the fever by the next day. Yesterday he was a little more upbeat: we surfed the internet looking at art and photography, he hung out with Vivek and Palak, ate some Cheerios (first food in a few days) and skyped with the family in Miami.

Today, he has been sleeping all day; been pretty low energy. The nurses say that sometimes the patients get really tired right before their counts start to rebound because their body is using so much energy to grow healthy cells. His white blood cells got a little bit of a bump today, so hopefully he will turning the corner SOON!

If things keep going as planned he should be getting out of the hospital on Monday....lets keep our fingers crossed....

More tomorrow....

Pics from Sulin & Roona at the Obama Rally on Election Night

From Sulin:

Thought Alpen might appreciate it if I shared some of the photos from Roona, Rahul (Roona's brother) and I attending the Obama rally in Grant Park, Chicago last night. It felt really good to be an American this morning.

All the best,

Sulin

Thoughts on the Day After....

Missing you all and wishing we could all have a big debrief around the election together. I was sort of in shock yesterday and it didn’t really hit me until I woke up this morning and saw the images of people celebrating across the world and heard stories of how elderly grandmommas in Liberty City came out their houses beating pots and pans. Last night, brown and black people across the world beat drums, blew into their conch shells and danced in the dirt—each claiming victory for themselves, each feeling their own power after a long time.

And so today, the world seems full of new possibilities and my mind is whirring with ideas for our movements and spinning with the lessons buried within this election on democracy, mass-participation, strategic communications, mass-line, messaging, and campaign strategy.

This is huge. I mean huge.

I hope you, like me, are taking a moment today to just rejoice in the reality of winning something so huge. I feel like I have never known what it was like to win something so big. And it is intoxicating.

Instead of listening to NPR and agonizing over the election as I usually do each morning, today, I listened to music that I love and even laughed to myself on my drive to work. (Must have looked crazy). As I looked at the cars whizzing around me, I saw people and wondered if each of them, like me, were a little more humbled, optimistic, and hopeful today---and instead of my usual road-rage at their awful Miami driving, I wondered if they were on their cell-phones re-counting the historic evening with far off-relatives or if they were driving a little slower because they were in utter disbelief about what happened last night.

Funny how Obama can inspire all of this in a cynical, young lefty.

And at the same time, my heart sinks for the anti-gay propositions and amendments that passed in Florida, Arizona and California. The same voters who helped us reach this historic moment in our nation's history also alarmingly voted to take away the civil rights of gay people.

So while we celebrate today, back to work tomorrow....

OMG...how adorable!

Yes We Can Change!

Pics from Harmony G. and Rickke M. in Brooklyn

Update from Alpen: My Nu Cells

I got my new (old) stems cells back, which will begin the reconstruction and proliferation of my new immune system. The procedure was pretty painless, but it was still an important moment for my body and i gave it all my conscious energy and attention.

I want to thank everyone for each of their positive thoughts and endless love. I am very grateful for this and will never forget how supportive and wonderful people have been.

From this day on, my stay here in the hospital will be less and less eventful, but i will try to keep things interesting.

Love,
Alpen

Photos and message from Laura W.

Alpen--

This is a group of non-traditionally-aged cheerleaders called the Divas. They were the halftime show at Roller Derby in Raleigh early this summer. You can't tell from the photo, but the song they are dancing to is Michael Jackson's "Bad" (hence the single glove) I think the photo's inspirational value, and why they would make one feel hopeful and strong, is pretty self-explanatory!

Take care, and give Alpen a hug for me,

Laura
"The Real World: Haiti"

From Ro(ar)han....

AlPeN mAma,

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! scAreD yA diDn'T i? hAPpy hAlLowEen!!!!
MoMmy iS aTtachINg A PiCtUre oF mE all dReSsed uP froM tHiS eVeNiNg.
HoPe yoU eNjOy iT.

LoVe yOu,
Ro(AR)han

Photos and Message from Liz A. in Chicago

(from Liz & Mark in Chicago)

dear alpen and family,

here are some pics of our garden from this summer/fall.... we haven't been to the hospital room, but we were thinking maybe it could use some plants/greenery? ....

after all, isn't this process about setting new terrain for growth?

OK! so here are some visual reminders of growth, life and new beginnings, yes?

LOVE you everybody. and sending continued

support

solidarity

prayers

thoughts

hugs

smooches

and

love.

miss you all .....

xoxoxo

lizard and mark

ps PUCHIGA -- sushma, we almost forgot -- wanted to send you a picture of your best friend monkey the bear (aka our new dog!)

Photos from Gloria L. in Miami

Here are some pics from Gloria L. in Miami, Fl. She sends pics of her and her 2 beautiful children, Lauren and Anthony who give her hope and joy as she struggles to raise them in this crazy world with good values, a good education, and a strong sense of self. Thanks Gloria!!

First Photo for Alpen - Thanks Lisa from Los Angeles!

Props to Lisa from L.A., California for being the first person to send in a picture for the blog. Check our her picture (she is on the right), out doing what she does best--organizing! Her organization the Labor/Community Strategy Center has been working hard to defeat some racist, sexist, homophobic propositions in California--including Proposition 6. Thanks Lisa...and keep them coming! And remember vote NO on prop 6!

The Journey Ahead....We NEED you!!!

So Day 4 in the hospital starts today. As you all know, Alpen has been going through a barrage of high-dose chemo--almost 12-14 hours a day for three days straight. As he says--things are "non-stop" right now. Good news: today is the last day of chemo. Bad news: as you can imagine, Alpen is going through it right now.

The chemo is taking its expected toll on him. He is pretty weak right now and is battling the avalanche of side effects that are beginning to hit him like a freight train. But luckily, the anti-nausea medications he is on also help him sleep. So he spent a lot of the day yesterday sleeping. Thank god.

As usual, Alpen is a gentle warrior and is fighting to get through this. The nurses have been great and of course, the Dream Team (Niru Aunty, Palak, Sush and Rahul, Vivek) have been taking amazing amazing care of him. Reinforcements from the rest of the Dream Team in Miami (Suresh Uncle, Harsha Aunty, Nayan Uncle, me and Sharda Baa) are on the way to Boston soon-- this weekend my Dad will be in Boston and next week I will arrive as Sushma returns to Miami.

As Alpen's parents have said: some parents have to send their children off to fight in wars---this is our war. We must keep our spirits up and keep fighting! As Gurudev Swami Chinmayananda, one of the world's great spiritual masters, has always said "We can, and We must!"

Alpen likely will probably feel worse before he feels better. So the next 3-4 days, he needs your love and support, to get through this challenging time. Right now, Alpen has not been interested in the blog, or emails, but sometimes he will Skype, so check and see if he is online. Chances are you probably will have better luck in a few days.

To lift his spirits, I am sending out a request to each of you: SEND me pictures of something, someone or some activity in your life that makes YOU feel STRONG and HOPEFUL. Please be creative, funny, inspirational, or wacky.

Here are my pics. As many of you know, yoga is my physical spiritual practice. It balances me and centers me and makes me feel strong!




So take the five minutes and e-mail your pictures to me at purvi.nayan.shah@gmail.com. I will post your pics on the blog as soon they come through and we will print them and hang them up around Alpen's hospital room for him to see!

We knew this was the journey ahead....Alpen needs your positive energy now more than ever, so hang on, muster that bit of strength and hope...and send us a picture!

Much love to all of you!

Stephen Colbert endorses Barack Obama...(kinda)

Enjoy Alpen.....

Day 2 in the Hospital and Diwali in Miami

Family:

Below are some pics from the Diwali celebrations in Miami. The pictures are from the Lakshmi Puja we do every year at Suresh Uncle's store for blessings to begin another year with luck, prosperity and success. This year, I think many of us are praying extra hard.....

As Alpen enters his second day of chemo, I am thinking about the synergy of life. On the eve of a new year , Alpen started a new chapter in his fight against cancer, and even more specfically, his body began the journey towards creating cancer-free blood and bone-marrow. What a great blessing that this journey has begun on the auspicious day of Diwali.

As for an update on Alpen, he is nearing the end of Day 2 of high-dose chemo and while chemo is always rugged, this chemo seems to be a much stronger level of intensity. Alpen remains super-strong and is getting through the chemo, but the side-effects are starting to take their toll. Right now, he mostly feels nausea, body pain, and is a little weak and temperature-wise feels cold. His legs ache a little and he is feeling some sensitivity to light. To pass the time, he listens to his amazing music collection on his IPOD and Skypes when he is up to it. Today he video-chatted with Rohan & Jess and me.

As usual, the gang in Boston (Niru Aunty, Palak, Sush, Rahul & Vivek) are right by his side, taking great care of him. Sush is trying to do some chinese acupressure massage and Rahul just came by to check on him. Niru Aunty has been holding down the mornings and early afternoon at the hospital and Sush, Rahul, Palak and Vivek come out later in the day to give Apu some love. FYI, visitors now have to wear gloves and masks when they are in the room.

Rumor is the nurses at DFCI have been GREAT. Thank god for good nurses. Seems as though one of the good things about the chemo right now is that they are giving him great medications through his I.V. to ease the side-effects--so generally, when he feels really crappy he tells the nurses and just has to hold out until they can give him the right meds to feel better. His appetite has been low, but thanks to the I.V. he doesn't have to eat if he doesn't want to!

So we have begun this journey....a few days down in the hospital....only a few weeks to go...

As for contacting Apu right now: showin some love on the blog, e-mails and Skype is prob best.

More updates soon! Love to all of you!

divali in lexington

thank you, you're welcome

What would it take for me to actually post something on this blog? I've been just as curious as anyone else.

It seems like one night in the hospital can make anyone a little bit more reflective. Can I start with one simple thought? I have heard many people speak of me in a kind of exceptional manner. "He is so strong," or "what peace of mind." These are nice things to hear, but I have to confess something very obvious. If you have received even a small fraction of the unbelievable love, ever-present support, or perhaps the wonderful company I have, there is nothing very remarkable about me or my response to this challenge of cancer.

...Where to start with my thank you list? I guess I'd like to start by thanking my sister Purvi for creating this blog without which I probably couldn't really reflect on or fully come to appreciate what has happened to me. More critically, each of my sisters (Palak, Sushma, and Purvi) have incommensurably redefined or at least outmeasured the idea of what a sister is. Each has been incomprehensibly adept at making any stress disappear, and all fear and pain fade away. And can I begin to thank my brother, Rahul? I have, but it is not at all simple. On second thought, I don't think continuing with my thank you list is such a good idea, mostly because I cannot just say thank you. I cannot abbreviate my appreciation for my family nor my friends who have consistently blurred any distinguishable line for our relationship--"friend" sounds so distant now adays.

Maybe this is enough for my first entry. Maybe not. I should at least (in)formally welcome those that have come to this site. You're all welcome to post or comment to this site as you see fit, though you're also welcome to just read it if that is all you wish to do. As many of you may know, I tend to overcommit to hobbies. Fortunately, my stay in the hospital and whatever time I take to recover will embolden me even more so. I don't know which of these things will occupy me more or less, but I will probably share some of my experiences on this site. It strikes me often that people have to wait till they are much older before they can "do what they want." I take this opportunity to start now what may have taken me decades to take up.

If I can make a request, I'd like to see the same from you. I know that something about this blog makes it seem like it should center on me, but I don't think that would be very interesting. Each of you is extremely talented and creative and it would please me a great deal to read and hear about whatever interesting things you are doing.

Regardless, though, I thank you for coming to this site and I thank you for making this time a chance for me to be a little more real to each of you and to myself.

A Nite Out!

It has been so heartwarming to hear from so many of you and know that you are reading and checking the blog. Alpen has been excited to hear from each of you and is itching to respond... we just need to figure out to get him access! (please excuse the technical difficulties!)

In the meantime, I will use the remaining minutes of time and space I have to tease and embarrass him - ye tho mera haq hai!

The nights are getting cooler here in Boston, but they are warmed by good friends and warm conversation.

Rahul is working on his research and attending classes by day;

Palak is attending class and intimidating her classmates by day!;

I have been enjoying cooking for the family (chai, tofu scramble, potato and parsley soup, cold bean tacos, moong daal and jeera rice, black bean burgers, and fresh carrot and celery juice! -- thanks for your bean salad recipe, Marcia! it was a hit!) and preparing for the adventure ahead.

Alpen has been meeting old friends from college as well as making new ones at MIT. He has been enjoying sitting in on housing policy, urban development, and financial management classes -- giving him plenty of fodder for our night time debates.

One night, Alpen was preparing to go out and thought his head might get cold.

Here's how he solved the problem, what do you think?????

Actually, Marilyn was making a cameo at a famous Harvard grad party -- yes, this is how the Ivy Leaguer get busy! -- borrowed from our friend Mallika.

......I think its debatable who looked hotter.